marriage

He may be my best friend, but he doesn’t bring out the best in me! 

Now before you start scolding me, I think I best explain the title of this blog post. As you may have guessed it is referring to my husband. We have been together since I was a wee fourteen year old. He is without a doubt my best friend, my shoulder and my biggest supporter. But he doesn’t bring out the best in me, I do. 

I’m a traditional girl, I am all for the big wedding, the white dress and taking my husband’s name but I do wonder sometimes if some memes and old thought patterns really are sexist in the way they define important aspects of relationships. How I feel may not be everyone’s opinion, in fact I could be completely in the minority. However I don’t believe you can look into another person to bring out the best in you, especially if you can’t bring it out of yourself.

It’s not about self love, however that does help and should definitely be something you aspire to achieve before you can expect someone else to love you. It’s about being comfortable with who you are, being able to support yourself in your accomplishments and your failures. It’s about realising that being in a relationship is not about being dependant on someone, it’s about co-existing. It’s about being your best self because you want too. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t be with someone who you believe helps you to be a better version of yourself but you shouldn’t be dependent on someone to do something for you that you should do for yourself. At the end of the day no relationship is perfect and they shouldn’t be. You spend a lot of time with yourself, so you may as well enjoy the company!  

My husband doesnt bring out the best in me, I do. (And I wouldn’t have it any other way) 
Until next time 

BCM

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Changing your surname after marriage.

I have seen many articles popping up on the big wide web exploring the shift in women not changing their last names after marriage. I find these articles extremely interesting. I also found it fascinating that a lot of countries lawfully do not allow women to change from their maiden names once they are wed. 

After I married my husband I did not legally change my name straight away. We were travelling and I did not wish to get a new passport. However on return from our travels (approximately 6 months after our wedding) I changed my surname and what a pain in the backside that turned out to be. There are so many places you need to go to change your name and they all want to site your marriage certificate or have a certified copy sent to them. It is long process, one I am glad will not be happening again. 

Before we were married we discussed if I was going to take my husbands name or hyphenate (haha – my maiden name was ten letters long, I think not!). Keeping my maiden name once I was a wife was not something I ever considered. I come from a traditional family, my mother took my fathers name, my grandmothers their husbands. I knew we’d eventually have children and I wanted to have the same surname as them. To me that made it a simple case. I will admit it wasn’t easy to leave my maiden name behind. I am proud of who I am and where I am from. I love my maiden name and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it because I do. 

I want to know your opinion, did you take your husbands name? Why or why not? It’s such a personal decision and as far as I can see there is no right or wrong answer.